Below are the 11 most recent journal entries recorded in vagg_monster's LiveJournal:

Friday, March 24th, 2006
11:44 am	p.s im tired of sex. (Comment on this)
11:42 am	another fight. hes punching holes in the walls. and the door. which he also keeps slamming. lovely. im pretty mad at him now. oh well. ill just ignore it. i think if i marry him.. he might end up getting violent. idunno. (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 2nd, 2006
1:31 pm	kay well i guess the previous one was because im just plain depressed about everything. i forgave him.. he hasnt done it aagain. lately hes been so so so caring and loving.. and i love him so so so much. and he had to go to cape coral. so i havnt seen him in a few days.. and honestly i think i love him like 257926 times more now. i miss him so much. and not having him here..with the situation im in.. it really sucks. im really depressed its gay. i want him to come back now. if my mom lets him. .hes upposed to be here tomorrow. i cant wait. she better let him back. i love him so much. dgjshk im dying. Current Mood: depressed (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 19th, 2006
2:41 am	i feel useless, worthless, violated, raped. i dont know, i guess we've had sex too much in the past month that its begun to hurt everytime. like im losing my virginity over and over and over. well. we did it twice and i made it through. and then we did it again. and hes like "okay were not going to do it again until you get better..until it stops hurting." and i said okay. i guess he saw the pain in my face. well i was laying there in the same position from after he got up after the last time..because it hurt too much to move.. and he comes in and starts touching me more.. and he knew it hurt. and he got on top of me.. and pulled my pants down and did it again.. and i didnt even move. i just layed there motionless and bit the pillow hard.. and he kept going.. it seemed like it lasted forever. and he kept going.. until he finnished. then he got up went to the bathroom and peed i assume.. and washed his hands, and layed down again. and kept asking if i was okay. i said yes. he asked if it hurt.. i said yes. he asked if i was crying.. i said no. i was about to, it hurt so bad. then he started rubbing me more. i got up , said i had to pee. i peed a little. saw blood. ( not my period.) had a smoke. he came out got a drink.. and asked over and over if i was positive that i was okay.. i said yes. i don't know why i feel like i was raped. he's my FIANCE'.. but for some reason.. i felt like he knew i said no to the whole thing. and i know he knew i didn't want to do it. i feel used. and hurt. and worthless for anything other than something for him to DO. my vagina hurts. :/ my self esteeme hurts, too. :/ uughh. ow. i dont know. and earlier.. i watched this movie.. where this mom abused her 5 year old.. and stuck stuff in her vagina to fuck it up. .like a dentist hook.. and other things.. and the whole time he was doing me while i was just laying there helpless.. that movie just kept running through my head.. over and over.. i feel, mutilated. i just dont even know. i feel abused. uugh. oh-oh. i don't know what this means. all i know is earlier , all i wanted to do was be with him and sit with him and kiss him and have him near me to look at.. now.. i cant stand the sight of him. and hes mad cause i got online instead of going to sleep with him to cuddle with. -sigh- i dont know what this is going to do to my view of him. i just don't know. Current Mood: uncomfortable (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 2nd, 2006
8:06 pm	786.0203 call it. im bored. no internet. uhh brookes forgotten me. i had sex lastnight Current Mood: confused (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 18th, 2006
9:04 pm	our 11th time. mhm. Current Mood: blank (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, January 16th, 2006
3:35 am	laid again. last night && today. mmmmn. twice with condom twice without. yeeeah. uuhm. im not gunna post anymore about mike. Current Mood: blah (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 14th, 2006
11:53 am	yeah laid again. =) Current Mood: calm (Comment on this)
Friday, January 13th, 2006
3:35 pm	i got laid last night.. yeaaah. Current Mood: lazy (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 10th, 2006
7:26 am	soo.. yesterday we went to pick him up from the bus station.. seeing him for the first time wasn't how i expected at all, i thought he'd be more excited.. but it was like old times.. just like he'd seen me everyday. he got cuter, i think. his hair got longer. he looks amazing. i couldn't help but throw my arms around him. ahh. im so in love with him. haha, so we got pizza...then he came back and smoked like 4 nics of weed ( with my mom). he got so high, he didn't really pay attention to me, but it's cool. Later after everyone went to sleep i layed with him and gave him water. he told me he's in love with me, over and over. and it was great. i missed sleeping with him. my mom told me i didn't have to go to school today, i slept in a little anyway...and after my shower i was like "tardies make you lose exam exemtions.. and excused absecenes don't, so i should use the excuse of "stomach flu" that i used yesterday so i could stay hime and clean. so im home today.. and im happy.. cause i get to spend from 12 to 7 alll alone with mike. yay. im so in love. and im so happy. it's great. sleep came easy last night, for the first time since i got here. his lips are amazing. i missed them so much. well guess ill go and try to get back to sleep but i dont think that'll happen. ahh. bye Current Mood: happy (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 4th, 2006
1:37 am	Hes amazing. Just got off the phone with mike. 5 and a half hours. guess what? he asked me to marry him. and guess what? I said yes. the second i turn 16. the wedding begins. <3. yes yes yes. i love him. Current Mood: loved (Comment on this)